who would have thought that as i began to puruse my upcoming year that my whole world would be turned upside down.....instead of my typical wake up bday call from my mom she spoke the words...he paramedics are coming to take dad to the hospital...looks like a stroke.........what?!!!...thats what my brain said back but my voice said i will be right there.....it has been a roller coaster ever since....this is not supposed to happen....dad io never sick.....he is supposed to live to be 102 like his mom and do it without interruption....this sucks......and though my wonderful daughter came in town for my bday and the equally wonderful man in my life together tried to salvage the day with dinner and gifts i choose to erase this birthday as my birthday because then from now on and forever my birthday will be the day dad had his stroke......and that is simply just too sad......if you are reading this and believe in prayer then i ask that you come before the throne boldly proclaiming His glory and ask specifically for complete and quick healing......"you don't have because you don't ask"...james...........so i ask with full belief that He will reveal His best in this time and moment because of that belief.....because that is the God who's love i choose to nestle within.........the unexpected has led me to the expected where sadness can become glory revealed...to rejoicing.......and the chance to reclaim my birthday.............i choose to believe.....

it's just past nine thirty on christmas eve....i'm sitting in robin's apartment while she works through the night...went up to the nicu when i dropped her off at work to see the unit only to arrive just as they had taken one tiny life off the support that was offering her family hope and realized even more deeply how much respect i have for what robin does each time she walks through the doors into the sterility of this zone of life fighting death...where doctors and nurses work every day to keep death at bay...where they use their knowledge, gifts, skills and love...where they know the odds can be stacked against these smallest of God's human creations and yet they keep coming back hopeful and with hope for these families....nurses wrapped in science yet openly weeping for the one they couldn't save....especially tonight...on christmas eve...i drove back to robin's apartment with tears of my own for this child i never met...her family who will from now on possibly know this day not for the birth of a babe bringing hope but rather the death of their own sweet infant and hope lost.......and i thank God for my own child and her choice to be a hope bearer and heart consoler...how blessed am i....merry christmas....